In the concept of psychological, marriage is described as "two persons who together". Two people with thoughts, desires, background, and differing expectations, decided to join in a common life.
According to Whiteman, Verghese, and Petersen (1996) there are several things that must be understood couples so that they can manage their relationships well, even when they experience stress.
Where are the stress of marriage appear?
Differences in background
Wife's parents are accustomed to taking out the trash and putting things in place would have felt disturbed by the behavior of husbands who recklessly put his work clothes.
Husband also will expect his wife to stay home and cook his own because his mother used to do just that, while the wife still wants a career because his mother used to be so.
Husband would rather watch a war movie, while his wife chose the show plays on the television soap opera. Wives more often pinched the child's ear as a means of discipline, while the husband feels better to give advice and examples.
All of these background differences are things that can lead to conflict and the couple should discuss these issues with cool heads and compromise.
Differences in style or nature
The husband may like snoring, whereas the wife if you sneeze loudly. Sometimes everyone has habits that make the couple feel disgust or opposite properties, such as the one enclosed, easy to open up their partners. Husband like to succumb, was the partner likes to criticize.
The differences are not insurmountable, but it will cause stress. Gender differences are a result of raised as a male or female.
Husbands and wives need to understand the style and nature of their partner and learn to accept. Any attempt to change the nature of the couple would likely cause the resistance of the couple and of course, can aggravate stress in their relationship.
Differences hopes / dreams
What would happen if the wife longed to live in a tiny house with large garden, but my husband bought an apartment in midtown? What if a husband dreamed of being famous painter, but her partner husband wanted a career in the company? Or that one wants to vacation in the interior of Africa, others want to go to Europe?
We save a lot of mental and emotional energy on our expectations, we should be able to adjust to each other, seeking common ground than differences in expectations because this is part of another conflict in marriage.
Disappointment
When we got married and then we changed partners, it can be fun, but can also disappoint us.
Before marriage, couples only show the positive sides of it, but once it was over they returned to their original side. This all can lead to disappointment for the couple.
With the increasing aging of a person, a lot of husband-wife couples are not satisfied with the condition, which may be graying hair, more body fat, sickly. Often the thoughts that influenced the culture of youth and appearance that still okay increased the discontent and exacerbate the marital relationship.
Usurpation
Although it was agreed the husband is the head of the family, the seizure of power can occur. For example, wives often seek influencing husband decisions, or vice versa.
Scramble of this are not always bad when couples exchange different opinions fairly and not cause a deep sense of losing the partner. Is the exchange that occurs in accordance with the expectations of your partner or not, there remains the potential for the emergence of stress. The best relationship is not that no conflict, but how we can manage conflict well.
Fears of lose the partner
Especially in an era where divorce is rampant, people often fear if the partner will leave them. Wife, for example, feeling anxious because husband did not care anymore. This actually makes the husband further away and wife are getting panic, feeling desperate.
All this is part of the stress that usually comes from within, does not appear in the form of an argument, but the disturbing feeling of each marriage partner. Faced with various aspects of interpersonal stress is important for couples to continue to pursue an open and effective communication.
