Everyone asks, "how can forgive and forget hatred?" Maybe we have not been able to forgive because they still feel very shocked and hurt, worry if the act is repeated, the fear of looking "weak" to forgive, or considers to forgive would violate the principle of justice that had been believed.
Enright (in mullet and Girard, 2000) view forgiveness as a social phenomenon in six stages, and the other one may be understood in different ways.
(1) "Forgiveness with a vengeance" (I'm willing to forgive if he obtained a penalty equivalent to the wound),
(2) "restitusional forgiveness" (When I get back that was taken from me, I can forgive),
(3) "forgiveness because application (I can forgive when others ask me to do it),
(4) "forgiveness because of the demands of the norms / laws" (I forgive because my religion tells to do it),
(5) "forgiveness for social harmony" (I forgive because it is necessary to develop a relationship of peace),
(6) "forgiveness as a form of love" (I forgive because it's the essence of true affection, which prevents revenge and reconciliation open).
Forgiveness from the deepest heart can not be forced. If the situation is very painful, perhaps for quite a while we see forgiveness as a purely internal phenomena themselves.
Various studies (McCullough et al, 2000) shows, forgive develop balance and a sense of comfort, reduce stress, improve self-acceptance, and reduce health complaints. In essence, helping us happier.
We do not need to force yourself to reconcile with the party that really hurt us. But, somehow peace itself is very important. Hopefully this understanding can help us to "let go", not chastened liver injury, and smiled in treading the year 2009.
